Redshirting kindergarten is a term given when parents hold their child back a year before starting kindergarten, or in some cases, give them an extra year of kindergarten. The term comes from college athletics when freshmen take a year off from competitive play to gain an extra year of eligibility when they are older and stronger.
On Friday, Meghan graduated from the Montessori school she’s attended since she was 2-turning-3. It was a weepy ceremony, all the moms with Kleenexes in hand while our little people sang songs, displaying their talents in the cutest possible way.
Of the 9 students in her class, Meghan is the only one not going on to 1st grade. The Montessori school she attended is a three year program that starts with preschool, then pre-k, then kindergarten.
Here is Meghan on her first day of preschool as a 2-year-old who is about to turn 3.
So this year, as a third year student, she was in the kindergarten class. She was also the youngest in her class. In our state, the cutoff to be in kindergarten in any given year is the student must turn five by September 30th. Meghan’s birthday is the week before that, so she started kindergarten this year as a four-year-old and turned five a few weeks later.
The Montessori school only goes through kindergarten, so either way, Meghan would be attending a new school next year. Our decision was whether to send her on first grade or have her repeat kindergarten. We chose to have her repeat kindergarten.
The main reason we initially thought to give her an extra year in kindergarten is simply that’s the trend around here. It seems like everyone holds their kids back, especially the boys. So if we didn’t redshirt, she wouldn’t just be the youngest in her class. She would be the youngest by a lot. Some parents are holding their kids back with April birthdays. That means she’d have kids in her class almost a year and a half older than her. And most of those older kids would likely be boys. Our minds immediately went to her at 13 1/2 with 15 year-old boys in her class. Are we the only ones not comfortable with this idea?
We looked at all the issues and research surrounding kindergarten redshirting when making our decision for Meghan. There’s research supporting both sides. On one hand, there’s research that shows older students do better in the early grades. But there’s also research showing that later on, it’s the youngest students who are most successful. The fact is, we can’t look into a crystal ball and see what’s going to be the best for Meghan.
While academically she did very well this year in kindergarten, other factors outweighed her strong academics. There is more to life and to school than academics.
What it comes down to is knowing our child. Meghan is the child who insisted her teachers hold the door open for her when she used the bathroom her first two years at school because she was afraid to be in the restroom alone. Meghan is the child who, at four, sobbed (sobbed!) the first time she saw Cinderella at the part where the stepsisters tore her dress. “Why would they do that?!” she gasped between tears. I also had to fast forward through all cat-chasing scenes for months. Meghan is the child who, at four, refused to enter the museum with large dinosaurs at the entrance. I had to carry her and run past them while she screamed, head buried in my shoulder. She’s also the child who, at five, cried upon entering the gym for her first basketball game because it was “too crowded.”
Meghan is a sensitive child who thrived at her Montessori school, but may need an adjustment period when placed in a much larger setting with over 800 students from kindergarten through 8th grade. With an extra year of kindergarten, we hope that she’ll develop more confidence and become more of a leader rather than a follower.
When trying to decide what was going to be best for Meghan, we went back and forth. Because she can already read and has a solid foundation of math skills, it seemed strange to have her repeat kindergarten, despite her emotional immaturity.
There was one thing that tipped the scales: the extra year we got to have her if she redshirted. Once she graduates from high school, she’ll move on to the next stage of her life, no matter what that may mean for her. It could take her to faraway places. I know once that happens, life will never quite be the same. So did that extra year we get to keep her with us influence our decision? You bet it did.
I don’t love the trend of kindergarten redshirting even though we are a part of it. I feel like it’s a vicious cycle; so many parents are doing it that it encourages other parents to do the same. Because of this, parents are holding their kids back earlier and earlier to help them get that competitive edge. Something needs to change.
We do feel, however, we are doing what is going to be best for Meghan. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for when to start your child in kindergarten. You have to look at your individual child and decide what situation is going to help them do their best academically, socially, and emotionally. That is what we tried to do with our decision.
Edited: There’s a lot of conversation going on over on my Facebook page about this. Head on over there if you’d like to join in!
The dilemma of whether to progress or repeat a grade is tough. Your thoughtful evaluation of Meghans educational path shows the care you have for her development.
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We live in Canada and in our province the cutoff is December 30th. As long as you are five years old by December 30th, you can go to kindergarten. The trend here seems to be completely opposite. Everyone in our social group seems to have sent there children early. We have a daughter whose birthday is December 10th. She is 6 years old now and we chose to hold her back, so she just recently finished kindergarten. We also just completed our very first year of homeschooling. Our oldest daughter was previously in a private school. If we had been homeschooling last year, I think I still would have held our 6 year old back because of emotional maturity issues. She sounds very similar to your daughter in many ways. I think starting her last year, would have been a lot more challenging. She did very well this year with me homeschooling her and learned a ton. We don’t regret it. That being said, we sort of did advanced kindergarten with her because she was well capable.
Interesting that the trend is the opposite where you live in Canada!
Wow, my husband and I have been having this discussion since our son was born and now the time has come to make the decision. The cutoff where we live is Sept. 1, so your daughter would have gone to pre-K here. Our son’s birthday is a week before the September cutoff date. We have also decided to give him another year to grow emotionally so he will be ready for kinder.
Yeah! I always applaud parents that make intentional decisions for their children. You know your precious daughter and what she is ready for better than anyone. Enjoy your summer with her home with you!
Thank you, Carrie!
It sounds like you made the best decision for your daughter and that is what matters.
For me, my mom held me back from starting kindergarten as I was in that gray area as well and after reading your post, I firmly agreed she did the right thing. Yes, I have a love of learning and was mad that I didn’t learn to read the first day of kindergarten but I am also very sensitive. To this day I say I have a bit too much empathy for my own good sometimes so I feel letting me grow and establish stronger roots before kindergarten was perfect.
Second, for my daughter. I could have sent her to pre-Kindergarten as our public schools had it at the time. This is the last year with her elementary school just having one small class of pre-K. Instead I kept her in her preschool. I felt it was a good fit for her as she grew socially in a loving atmosphere with Christian values being taught. My husband sees the money we could have saved but supports my decision to let her stay in that nurturing, loving environment. Today she graduates from kindergarten and the year has been lovely. Her roots were stronger at the start and it has allowed her to blossom beyond my belief! I wouldn’t go back and do it any other way.
I’m glad to hear both your story and your daughter’s turned out well!
Hi Maryea,
I come from the opposite situation. I have a late August birthday, and though when I was growing up the cutoff in our state wasn’t until Dec 30th, with August I was still one of the younger students in my grade. Then, in my junior year of h.s. I was strongly encouraged, by my mother and my class advisor, to skip my senior year and start college the following year. So when I went to college freshman orientation, I was still 16! I turned 17 the next week. Everything ultimately turned out fine (though not ever being able to drink legally in college was “horrible” at the time!) but overall I don’t believe that being pushed ahead had the benefits my mother and advisor thought it would. I didn’t make the college softball team as I had hoped, because I was younger and my skills weren’t as developed as the other girls. I was also teased about being so young, but I knew that was coming and mostly took it with a grain of salt. Ultimately it also put me into the working world a year earlier than normal, and who wants that!?!? Even though I’m happy with how everything turned out and I have no idea what my path would have been had I not skipped that year, I do not recommend it to others who are considering it because you’re constantly “behind,” whether physically, educationally or psychologically.
Sounds like you put a lot of thought and research into your decision and are indeed doing what’s best for Meghan. I do think holding back a child with an April birthday is overdoing it, but it’s different with a child whose bday is only a week before the cutoff.
Do you have the new school picked out? How did you explain to Meghan that she’ll be in kindergarten again and how did she take it?
Thanks for sharing your story and perspective! Yes, we do have the school picked out. We are Catholic and she’ll be going to a Catholic elementary/middle school. I used real examples of the age gap from students in Meghan’s class to help explain why she wouldn’t be going on to first grade. I told her we wanted her to be with other kids closer to her own age instead so much older and she was good with that. (Her classmates weren’t actually that much older than her this year–one was a year older but the rest were more like 6-8 months older.) It helped her to know she will be starting kindergarten with her best neighborhood friend who is the same age as she is.