Meghan eating kale chips
When it comes to toddlers and eating, I’m not even sure what the definition of a “phase” is since their eating habits and likes and dislikes are always changing. In reality, everything can be considered a phase since once you think you can get comfortable, everything changes. With Meghan, for example, I really couldn’t classify her as a “good eater” or a “bad eater” because it is different from week to week. She eats. Sometimes a ton, sometimes it seems like hardly at all.
Meghan eatinga chocolate-raspberry parfait with Gena’s “Chocomole”
Meghan is coming out of a I’ll Eat Whatever You Put In Front Of Me phase. It was lovely and I had dreams that it would never end. But like all good things, it did. I’m not sure if it is her recent sickness (can you call it that if she was low energy with a low-grade fever for one day?) or something totally unrelated, but this week she seems to be entering a I Will Only Eat (some of) My Very Favorite Foods And That’s It phase.
Today, for example, she was only interested in a few foods and overall ate a lot less than her normal amount. For breakfast she had a green smoothie. She loves smoothies. For snack she had a homemade ‘Larabar’, another favorite. Lunch. Oh, lunch. I offered her some shelled edamame (a familiar food she eats a lot), cheese (a normal favorite), and some brown rice (sometimes she loves it, sometimes not). She ate nothing. Not one bite. Offered her a snack when she got up from her nap–no thanks. Dinner. Another bust. Offered her peas (sometimes she loves them and eats them all, other times doesn’t want them), whole grain bow tie pasta, plain since she doesn’t like sauce on her pasta (a familiar choice that she usually eats), cheese (used to be her go-to food), and unsweetened apple sauce with cinnamon (a favorite). She ate a little cheese and a lot of apple sauce. Thank goodness she still loves smoothies or she wouldn’t have had any vegetables today.
So what do I do differently when she’s going through a phase like this? Nothing. I think it’s important to establish your philosophy regarding feeding your children and stick to it regardless of how their food tastes or appetites change. I know that I could have freaked out when she didn’t eat what I offered her at lunch and made her another smoothie, but then I would be setting a precedent that I don’t want to keep up. My philosophies regarding feeding are simple, but important to me. These are the ideals I try to follow when it comes to feeding my toddler:
1. Meal time will not be a battle.
I want my meals to be enjoyable, which means they need to be calm and stress-free. I don’t want to cause negative associations with food in any way, so I don’t force Meghan to eat a certain amount of her food. I simply offer her healthy choices, and let her eat how much of it she wants, even if that is none at all. That being said…
Meghan eating carrot soup and beans
2. I am not a short-order cook. My child may choose to eat or not eat what she is offered.
For dinner, for the most part, Meghan gets what we are eating, at least part of it. I am always trying new recipes that we’ve never had before, so I always offer her something that she likes at each meal. There is also always something familiar on her plate, even if it’s not a favorite. I often have to offer something many times before she will like it. I keep offering the foods that we commonly eat as I want her to like the things we each often, and I know she will, eventually. I refuse to get up from the dinner table to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because she doesn’t feel like eating what we are having. I’m satisfied knowing she has a few items on her plate that are either her favorites or something she’s eaten often that she can eat if she is willing. She is learning to eat what she is served and not ask for different choices. {This doesn’t mean I never offer her choices before I prepare the meals. I often give her choices for breakfast and lunch, especially. Once the meal is on the plate, however, that’s the meal we’re stickin’ with}
Meghan eating apple-cinnamon oatmeal
3. We have scheduled meal and snack times.
Meghan never has to wonder when she’s getting her next meal because they come at around the same time everyday. I think eating on a regular basis is a healthy habit to develop, and as a former teacher I know how much children thrive with structure and schedules. She doesn’t have free reign on snacks; she can eat one snack between each meal. While she does need that snack between melas, I try to keep it small so she still has an appetite for the next meal. Her snacks are typically healthy, unprocessed whole foods. I don’t give her juice at all as I don’t think it has much nutritional value and I know it can destroy a toddler’s appetite for better food choices. Our usual meal schedule is: Breakfast at 7:30, snack 9:45, lunch 11:45, snack 3:00, dinner 5:30.
Meghan eating a green smoothie
4. I don’t withhold food.
This goes with idea #1. The same way I don’t require Meghan to eat a certain amount of food, I also don’t withhold food if she hasn’t eaten something else. We don’t typically have regular desserts after our meals, but I always offer Meghan something sweet, either fruit, apple sauce, or something similar. She can have it regardless of if she eats her vegetables or not. Sometimes Tim says I’m being a “softie” when I don’t make her clean her plate first, but I see it differently. If I force her to eat her vegetable choices before she can eat fruit or whatever her sweet choice is, the vegetables are being put in an unfavorable Food I Have To Eat category and the sweet food is elevated to the more desirable Food I Want to Eat category. I would like her to view all foods on an equal playing field and not see one food as being “better” than another. This is much easier to follow through on since most of the time the sweet treats I offer at the end of the meal are healthy, whole, real food options that I feel good about being part of her meal in the first place. Rarely is that the only thing she eats, but if it is, that’s okay.
I stick to these four ideals as much as possible, but I’m not perfect and there are times when I do slip up. Last night, for example, after Meghan ate very little at dinner, she asked for a snack before bed. Normally I would not allow this, but she was having a terrible day. For the first time ever, she didn’t fall asleep for her nap at all, so by early evening she was a wreck. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, and this wasn’t the right time, so I gave her some pumpkin yogurt. It’s okay to be flexible as long as you hold to your ideals and stay consistent the majority of the time.
The most important thing to remember is if your toddler or older child is going through a strange or unpleasant eating phase, remember to treat it that way or your behavior could cause the phase to become a permanent habit. I just keep telling myself the age-old adage: This too shall pass.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this article! It describes my 2-yr old daughter to a T!!!!!!!!! I asked my husband to read it as well and starting tonight when we get home we are going to follow your advice. I do have one question – we consume organic 2% cow’s milk in our household and I would like your thoughts on switching to almond or soy milk for a healthier alternative. My daughter still asks for a bottle of warm milk before bedtime (the only bottle she gets). Do you think it would be a difficult transition for her to make the switch to almond or soy milk. Also, since we do only give her organic milk, do you think that is a huge benefit to switch her if she has no issues with cow’s milk? THANK YOU!!!!!!
Oh this is a tough question. I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes. I would not try to switch the milk she gets at bedtime to almond or soy milk. It’s the cow’s milk that she’s used to and it likely wouldn’t go well to try to switch, especially since it sounds like it’s a comforting thing for her. Any other milk she gets, however, I’d try to switch to a non-dairy alternative. When we first switched from cow’s milk we drank soy milk, then I learned that it isn’t great for developing kids to have too much soy, so we switched to almond milk when Meghan was a toddler. That’s the milk both of my kids get now(although they don’t drink milk as a beverage, that’s what I use anytime I need milk for smoothies, oatmeal, etc.) My kids also have small amounts of organic cheese and yogurt. I think as long as it’s limited, it’s okay. Again, this is totally my opinion and nothing more than that. I read a book called The China Study and it made me really want to limit the amount of casein (the protein in cow’s milk) because studies the author describe in the book show that large amounts of it can cause tumors in rats. I think it’s hard as a mom to read something like that and then put it out of your mind, so that is what initially fueled my decision to limit cow’s milk.
Thank you so much for your advice. What beverages do your kids drink? Smoothies for sure, but what else? 🙂 I’m definitely going to make some changes, but yes, for now I’ll continue to the bottle of organic milk at bedtime. We are working on reducing the amount anyway since she is potty training.
Water. 🙂 Occasionally they have juice, but it’s very rare.
I love this!
It’s hard when I’m at work to discate when sam is easting, but I’ve started packing him lunches with healthy snacks so I know what he’s eating. Maybe while on winter break I will try out your schedule and see if it works well with him. What kinds of snacks do you give her? I notice she eats a lot of fruit- do you buy organic or regular?
Check out this post for some healthy snacking ideas: https://happyhealthymama.com/2010/08/toddler-tuesday-healthy-snackin-ideas.html I do mostly organic for fruit. I use the dirty dozen list to determine which ones I definitely need to go organic with and which ones are okay when conventionally grown. Here’s a post where I wrote about my thoughts on organic food.
Not withholding food is a REALLY good point. I hate that. Sometimes I play that game when I want her to do something, but it’s definitely a bad association.
I do make my daughter eat foods. I hate the thought of her being hungry, even though I think most kids will eat when they’re hungry.
I think when Meghan’s older I may make her at least try things, but right now I just don’t want our meals to be a battle. I think she’s too young to understand, “Just TRY it!”.