When it comes to parenting, I tend to lean towards the controlling side. It’s not that I don’t want my daughter to experience normal freedoms. Of course I do. It just that when I look at this little life that we created, I feel an immense responsibility.
I want her to have the best. The best of what I had growing up and the best of what I didn’t have. When I stop and think about the impact my decisions can have on her future, it makes me anxious. I want to do everything right.
If I let her play dress-up and wear my pretty shoes while
equally encouraging her to explore sports,
will she grow up to be a well-rounded person?
If I try to foster her love of books without pushing too hard,
will she grow up with a healthy love of reading?
If I balance the amount of discipline I give with lots cuddles and love,
will she grow up to be a well-mannered, loving girl?
I want to believe that the nurture side of things can impact her life; it isn’t all up to nature. What Tim and I do as parents will make a difference.
And if you would have asked me a year ago if good eaters were born or made, I would have been quick to answer that they are made. I was confident that I could mold Meghan into a “good eater”, whatever that may mean, by feeding her right from the beginning.
An information junkie, I started reading books on nutrition for babies and toddlers early on. I breastfed Meghan exclusively for 6 months (2 years total) and then started solids.
I made her baby purees from fresh fruits and vegetables. Her first finger foods included avocado and salmon. I was sure that I could mold her taste buds; create a “good eater”.
Fast forward to today. The girl who from age one to two would eat just about any vegetable I put in front of her is steadily becoming more and more difficult to get to eat any type of vegetable. Her new favorite meal time phrase is, “No, I don’t like it!”
It isn’t just vegetables that she won’t eat. There’s a whole list of foods that she refuses to eat most of the time these days: pasta, rice, beans, some fruits (!), and meat.
Luckily, she still drinks her smoothies and will usually eat avocado (Hallelujia!), but those are the healthiest things she’ll eat consistently. She asks for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at almost every meal.
So my tune is changing. I’m not sure that there’s anything I could have done differently to avoid this period of pickiness. Could I make it worse by giving in to her demands and giving her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at every meal? I’m sure that would make it much worse. But could I have averted this, somehow done something to ensure Meghan would always eat and enjoy a wide variety of healthy foods? I don’t think so.
Those kind of eaters are just born that way.
I’m very interested to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially those of you that have older children and more than one child. Do you think good eaters are made or born?
This is so interesting (and the picture of her as a newborn is ADORABLE)! I’ve always wondered why kids universally hate certain foods when they’re young. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I’m sure she’ll grow out of it!
We changed our eating habits around 2 years ago. Now we only eat organic, non-processed, and homemade meals (we have sometimes, of course, the odd Chinese meal in a restaurant or other type of unhealthy food :)). Both my husband and I are more than ok with spending a lot of money on food. It is better to spend money on health now, than to spend money on illness later. Our 22-month old baby eats almost everything we offer him so far. I think kids are born good eaters, but they are also copying what they see is being eaten at home. Maybe not initially, but eventually they will come to appreciate good and healthy food if it is being offered all the time at home and if they receive explanations for why some foods are better than others. Also, involving them in the kitchen is another way to make them appreciate different types of fruits and vegetables. We don’t have much control over what our boy eats when we visit a friend (who makes muffins with white flour and a lot of sugar for example), but we have control over what food gets into and is being consumed in our house.
Our little one is 18 months now : she’s a good eater of solids so far. Started around 8 months with avocado & fruit. Haven’t met a fruit she didn’t like, except bananas. Sometimes she’ll only consume those in a smoothie. Now she’s great with some veggies & I really make an effort to offer her clean, organic if possible, and as close to natural state foods as possible. It’s becoming expensive and I’m on the defense now constantly with my partner who thinks it would be fine if the little one ate bread full of sugar & preservatives, kraft peanut butter and tons of cheap cheese or Tim Hortons.
I’m curious what an average month costs to feed your family of 3?
Fuel for the body isn’t something in interested in compromising on too much – I am shocked at husband’s sudden about face on the money I spend to feed us well. He doesn’t have to eat clean but why should our daughter suffer (I believe) being fed overly processed and chemical laden foods?
Sort of off topic, sorry. Your post really got me thinking!
My husband and I have the same discussions about $$ spent on food. I’m with you; the money we spend is worth it to feed not just our daughter but all of us well. Our budget for food is $600 a month ($150/week). I know that’s a lot, but it is what it is. I’d rather cut back in other areas and be able to eat organic, fresh foods.
Hi Maryea!
I’ve been a lurker for a while, but I couldn’t resist commenting on this. As a person recovering/recovered (we never say recovered, we don’t want to jinx a relapse, but I live a normal healthy life now) from an eating disorder, I think that the best thing that you can do is just continue to set a good example. If your daughter sees you eating good food, and enjoying that food, she will most likely come around if you don’t force it on her. Some of my most traumatic food memories involve being forced to eat certain foods. As for the idea of sneaking spinach into brownies and such, I have no problem with the actual act, but I would encourage you to show Meghan what you’re doing. Deception around the dinner table never ends well. Also, watch out for food sensitivities. We didn’t know about some of my food allergies until I had graduated high school, and they may amount for some “pickiness”. Good luck, and thank you for your wonderful blog! 🙂
Thank you so much for your comment, Peggy. My parents never forced me to eat any foods, but I did have a babysitter who forced me to eat peas once, and I never liked them until recently. I know it can be tied to being forced to eat them. So I totally agree with you on not forcing the issue. We try to keep meal time pleasant and I try not to show my stress about her not eating what I’d like to see her eating. I don’t put spinach into brownies, but she does see spinach going into her green smoothies. 🙂 She doesn’t mind, thankfully!
I also believe that good eaters are born. I had the same exact experience with my son. Actually, no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t eat most of the foods I prepared for him. Now, he is still as picky as ever.
Don’t give up because your little one is probably just going through a stage of independence. Keep offering her a variety of healthy choices and try to get her involved in the prep process making a big deal of it all. That has begun to help my son who only now will try certain fruits. Don’t let her know how disappointed you are and don’t maked comments about it when she is around. (This is all advice that has been given to me 🙂 )
What you do makes a difference and most importantly when she grows into an adult she will know what healthy, tasty food means. Then it will be her choice to eat it or not.
Hang in there, I know how tough this issue is!
Hugs
Thanks, Marina! I do try to keep calm and not show my disappointment about what she’s eating. It’s hard sometimes, but I think we do a pretty good job of that. I just hope all of this will pass someday. 🙂
Hi Maryea! Just found your blog! My son is turning 2 at the end fo the month and I struggle with the same issues. I nursed him until 21 months and he used to eat everything! Luckily, he’ll still eat his body weight in fruit, but veggies?? No way. I’m a horrible smoothie maker, but my goal this summer is to become pro. I’ve given him a couple green smoothies and he’s liked them, so here’s to hoping.
I’m also just hoping these are just phases. I think there’s something to be said for living a healthy lifestyle and showing our children how to live healthy and make good choices.
Meghan still likes most fruits, too, but I was shocked when she started refusing some. There was a time when I couldn’t keep enough fruit in the house she’d eat it up so fast! Good luck with your smoothies this summer; they really have been a lifesaver over here.
I think both. That’s why although I introduce every whole food that’s out there and we place a lot of emphasis on nutrition and healthy eating and especially growing our food so they see where “food” comes from, I also balance that with treats every once in awhile. That way they don’t get “forced” into eating the foods they’ve learned to love and don’t feel the need to rebel and eat a ton of crap. Isabel will eat the world biggest veggie loaded salad with no dressing (her choice) one day and the next day beg for pizza. What she can already notice as a child is the days when poor food choices affect how her body feels. I would say that at her age, Meghann is probably more interested in finding her inner control rather than truly disliking the food you’re offering. Just be patient and KEEP OFFERING. 🙂 If the jam is homemade or lacks a ton of added sugars, then the pb & j really isn’t all that awful for her. 🙂
We do use jam that’s been sweetened with fruit juice concentrate instead of cane sugar, so I don’t think her PB&J’s are horrible. I’d just like to see a bigger variety of foods being eaten! Someday….:-)
Hi. I just found your blog. My little guy turns 2 tomorrow and when we first introduced foods he ate everything. Now, I feel like he’s eating air. So picky and so little. But put something really tasty and he inhales it.
WOW!!! You are seriously inside my head arent you!!!My son is 26 months and ate like a champ..anything I put in front of him up till about 6 months ago. Then suddenly “its yucky”, “I dont like it”, “no dinner mommy”. Totally through me for a loop and then I began to dog and realized it was a control thing that most kida this age go through. So now I no longer question what I make for dinner. I give him what me and my hubby are having for dinner and if he eats he eats and if he doesnt he doesnt. Sometimes Im totally thrown at what he decides to eat, the other night for ex/ Chicken marsala, asparagus and couscous…and he asked for more. WHAT?!?! So my rule of thumb has always been if he doesnt want what I give him after like 10 minutes I offer fruit and yogurt that way at least he is going to bed with a full belly and its healthy. My mom says to not offer anything else but I like my sleep in the morning:-) Also, he always ask for a treat after dinner but he only gets one if he eats the dinner I serve or at least tries each thing on his plate. He doesnt have to finish or like it but he at least has to try. Im sure this will continue for some time but am hoping that continually exposing him to “normal” foods he will be a non picky eater like myself and my hubby.
Keep up the good work. The fact that you are worried about this speaks volumes on how much you love your family and are a terrific mommy.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Val. I also always offer fruit so that I know she won’t be completely starving if she decides not to eat what I offer for dinner. I feel better at least offering her something that I know she likes and will eat. (umm….most of the time! They are so unpredictable at this age!)
Great post and so true. Our son is turning 3 next month and he deffinetely has started to be a little pickier with his food choices than he was before. I believe that thier eating preferences are both born and made. In earlier years when food is first being introduced what they like and don’t like is really their personal preferences of what tastes and feels good to their little mouths and bellies. As they get older, like others, I feel that it starts to be more about controling what they want to eat as they have this choice and they know it. You can either play the game or fight them every step of the way.
With our son we let him help pick what he wants and if he wants pb and j every meal so be it, but we opt for healthy full grain bread and only give him a quarter of a sandwich. The remainder of the meal will be items that we are eating as well and usually he will eat his food choice first but he always ends up eating a good portion of some of the items we gave him as well. At least this way there is no fighting over what he is eating and I know he is getting healthy choices. It is hard though cause one week it is one thing another week something else. I tell myself it is a phase and eventually he will have normal meals like the rest of us, but at least this way meal time stays pleasant.
Great post – feeding children can be so humbling. Our firstborn was a great eater, much like your daughter … until he was about 2 1/2. Then for an entire year, he barely ate dinner and narrowed his preferred foods to a list so small it made me want to scream. I was sure he would always be a good eater because he had such a good start. I never gave in and gave him junk, but it was a long year (!) of presenting healthy dinners and giving him the choice to eat or walk away. By the time he was 4, he was back on track and today he is a healthy eater and almost evangelical to his classmates (“That food is not good for your body.”). Our youngest just turned 3 and wouldn’t you know, he’s now in that good ‘ole phase of being picky and refusing much of what we offer. He suddenly hates trying new things and he is eating much less overall in terms of quantity and variety. I know this will pass and I’m convinced that I am still shaping him by offering healthy options over junk. At these young ages, it’s all about what you stock at home – my kids can’t eat fruit snacks all day because we’ve never purchased them, they can’t choose chocolate milk for meals because it’s not an option, etc.
I would say that they are “made” but after reading this post I’m not sure. I always wonder about this though for when I have a kid. I know I want to give them a balanced healthy diet (like you) from the beginning but it seems like sometimes it doesn’t matter (although I know it does). It definitely seems like a struggle but you’re doing your best. 🙂 I’ve heard that kids have a heightened sense of taste which could be a reason why they don’t tend to like veggies and or other foods that are good for them. Hence, why we grow to like foods we didn’t like as children. Just a theory…
Very interesting post though.
To answer your question… I believe that good eaters are born and made.
Regarding the born aspect, it all starts with what a mother eats while the child is in the womb, and being breastfed, if that is the case.
Regarding the made aspect, it is all about setting a good example for your child, and introducing many different foods to he/she many times in order to get their palate used to it, which requires a lot of diligence and patience. If I could buy some diligence and patience, I would 🙂
I believe that most children your daughter’s age and older like to control what they eat, because it is one thing that they have control over–it is all about independence at their age. It is easy for them to eat junk foods, because to them, they taste appealing.
I breastfed our daughter for 15 months. When she was on solid foods, she ate anything I put in front of her. And then she got two bacterial infections somehow when she was around 1 1/2 years-old–one of which was Ecoli–and did not want to eat hardly anything I gave her. Ever since she had the bacterial infections, she has been a finicky eater, which can be very discouraging to my husband and I–she is now almost 3 years-old! It is hard for a child to understand that she needs to eat healthy in order to thrive. But if you and your husband establish healthy eating habits, it will inevitably be engrained in her mind, and she will most likely resort to the healthy ways she saw by her parents example.
What my husband and I struggle with is not getting upset with our daughter when she does not eat. We do not want her to associate eating with us getting upset. However, it is hard not to, because like I said, she does not understand that eating healthy will make her big and strong. I believe that it will get better over time, though.
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I totally agree with Lindsay, Meghan is learning how to assert her own independence. You know, food is one thing that she has some control over right now, and she’s embracing it, just like any three year old 🙂 That’s great you breast fed her until two, since it really provides a healthy dose of nutrition for young bodies. I hope to follow suit with my own children, and I agree, it’s odd breastfeeding past six months is seen as a bad thing in our society when in actuality it’s a very good thing, and hello it saves money from buying all that formula! Double score! While I think good, or bad, eaters are somewhat born (cuz I believe everyone has innate preferences), I also think that the nurture aspect plays a big role too! I mean role modeling eating healthy foods is a must, but also consistently introducing foods in new and old ways is important since taste buds are always changing. But Maryea, it seems like you do both already so well, so I’m sure Meghan may go through her stages of “No, I don’t like this or that,” but in the end, she was nourished in the womb, she sees her parents eating nourishing foods, and she will always be exposed to nourishing foods, so she’s got a healthy leg up 😉
Oh, and I went through a picky stage for several yearrrs in elementary school where everyday for lunch all I wanted was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and all I wanted for dinner was Kraft (yuck!) Mac n’ Cheese. Now? I am a veggie loving vegetarian who has a primarily whole foods based diet, so I think one’s diet and food preferences are always changing in relation to what’s presented to them and how it is presented! Again, great post!
Jacob has been the same way. He ate a huge variety of foods when he was little…everything I put in front of him. And now, just since he turned 2 really, he is super picky. He will really only eat a handful of things anymore. I’m just hoping that the phase ends sooner rather than later, and that he someday loves all the foods he used to. It’s pretty much all we can do.
Once again Maryea you have moved me to tears. You write so beautifully about motherhood . You have done everything right and this phase will pass. Meghan will once again become the “good eater” that she was.
I can relate to your post easily. I too had a baby that would eat just about anything at one point in time (my oldest), even a nightly salad with dinner. Now he would only eat ranch dressing but at least he was getting good vegetables. He turned into a very picky eater. Unfortunately for me, not being well educated at that time on the benefits of eating whole foods versus the bad of processed, would let him eat what he wanted as long as he was getting some food in him. Big mistake. Fortunately he is starting to eat a bigger variety of foods now that he is older. Of course it helps that he learns about the benefits of foods in school.
I lived and learned with Noah so now Kohl is a little easier. He has his moments when he wants to be picky, but I still offer him what we are eating and negotiate with him. He is allowed to pick something he likes or have dessert if he eats a certain portion of his food. This usually works because he wants the incentive. Now at first you make think this is crazy, but he ends up eating more than what I tell him because he “remembers” that he likes the food.
Hang in there! It does get better. All kids go through a picky phase, but as long as you hold out, contine to give her a variety of foods, she will end up being a great eater 🙂
I don’t have kids so I don’t know, but my mom was all about healthy food and made my own baby food and all of that too. And for a while as a kid, I totally rebelled. I wanted coke and chips and all that stuff that I wasn’t allowed to have. But then as I grew up, I went back to eating the way my mom cooked. I don’t know if that was just coincidence or what, but I do think that it probably had something to do with the way I eat now.
Aren’t kids such interesting creatures? 🙂 I too used to think kids were “made” good eaters depending on what they were given starting from the very beginning. My older son (now 8), ate a wide variety of healthy foods, and still does to this day. He eats almost everything I give him, and if given a choice, he most often makes a healthy one, even when I’m not around (and even educates his friends on healthy choices!) Yes!
And then, my theory (and confidence!) drastically changed when my younger son (now almost 5) came along. He started off pretty well and we offered very healthy options, but by the time he turned 2 he had definite strong opinions of what he liked and didn’t like. Today, sadly, there are many foods we eat that he doesn’t like. He has gotten so much better about trying new things, and as long as he does that, I am happy, and I continue to offer him things he does like as well. I keep holding on to the hope that eventually he will start liking more!
So, based on my experience, I think there is both nature and nurture aspects to the type of eaters kids are. They might be born good eaters, but if they are only offered junk at a young age, of course their tastes will change to where junk is all they will want. If they are born picky eaters we might make subtle healthy influences on their tastes, but sometimes not. We definitely do on their knowlege of nutrition and health though–something they’ll have forever.
Great post, Maryea–I look forward to reading further comments!
What a great post, Maryea. And so true. I, too, breastfed Carter exclusively for 6 months and continued to nurse through age 2. It’s frowned upon big time in our society – not sure why because it really is so so so good for children. There are days when Carter will try just about anything I put in front of him, and other days where he only wants grilled cheese. It’s a phase – an assertion of independence. Carter says “I don’t like it” at least 15 times a day – he even says it when he is eating something that he loves! Independence….But I just keep trying and offering the options. I also try to remind myself that I trusted him for 6 months to tell me when he was hungry and to eat as much or as little as he needed. And I know it’s the same now – he tells me when he is hungry and he’ll eat what his little body needs (with a little help from Mommy) 😉