When it comes to parenting, I tend to lean towards the controlling side. It’s not that I don’t want my daughter to experience normal freedoms. Of course I do. It just that when I look at this little life that we created, I feel an immense responsibility.
I want her to have the best. The best of what I had growing up and the best of what I didn’t have. When I stop and think about the impact my decisions can have on her future, it makes me anxious. I want to do everything right.
If I let her play dress-up and wear my pretty shoes while
equally encouraging her to explore sports,
will she grow up to be a well-rounded person?
If I try to foster her love of books without pushing too hard,
will she grow up with a healthy love of reading?
If I balance the amount of discipline I give with lots cuddles and love,
will she grow up to be a well-mannered, loving girl?
I want to believe that the nurture side of things can impact her life; it isn’t all up to nature. What Tim and I do as parents will make a difference.
And if you would have asked me a year ago if good eaters were born or made, I would have been quick to answer that they are made. I was confident that I could mold Meghan into a “good eater”, whatever that may mean, by feeding her right from the beginning.
An information junkie, I started reading books on nutrition for babies and toddlers early on. I breastfed Meghan exclusively for 6 months (2 years total) and then started solids.
I made her baby purees from fresh fruits and vegetables. Her first finger foods included avocado and salmon. I was sure that I could mold her taste buds; create a “good eater”.
Fast forward to today. The girl who from age one to two would eat just about any vegetable I put in front of her is steadily becoming more and more difficult to get to eat any type of vegetable. Her new favorite meal time phrase is, “No, I don’t like it!”
It isn’t just vegetables that she won’t eat. There’s a whole list of foods that she refuses to eat most of the time these days: pasta, rice, beans, some fruits (!), and meat.
Luckily, she still drinks her smoothies and will usually eat avocado (Hallelujia!), but those are the healthiest things she’ll eat consistently. She asks for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at almost every meal.
So my tune is changing. I’m not sure that there’s anything I could have done differently to avoid this period of pickiness. Could I make it worse by giving in to her demands and giving her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at every meal? I’m sure that would make it much worse. But could I have averted this, somehow done something to ensure Meghan would always eat and enjoy a wide variety of healthy foods? I don’t think so.
Those kind of eaters are just born that way.
I’m very interested to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially those of you that have older children and more than one child. Do you think good eaters are made or born?
All kids go through picky phases. If you don’t cater to it and keep offering a good variety, they grow out of it. The never-ending pickies are the ones whose parents say, “He only likes ____ & _____” , and they only give those things. Don’t cave to PB&J. Dinner is dinner. Eat it or you will be hungry. Kids figure it out fast, and will eat when they are hungry. Also, giving small kids just a tablespoon of each item at mealtime makes tasting less overwhelming. Once they eat the tablespoon, offer more of what they liked from their plate. -Mom of three that “tried to be picky” 😉
My daughter who is featured in this post is now 7, almost 8, and has gone through different stages since writing this. She’s finally open to trying almost anything, but struggles with textures a lot. She likes raw vegetables, but very few will she eat cooked. I agree with the “dinner is dinner” philosophy–I don’t make everyone something different! I now have a 4 year old boy, also, and he is a very strange eater. He’ll eat all the fruits and vegetables on his plate, but leave any meat or grains there. I still firmly believe that kids are born with their preferences, but yes, mom can influence it for the better or worse by what “rules” are in place or catering to the pickiness. Thanks for your comment!
Love the pictures in this post! She is such a cutie 🙂 I love ready about what my 17 month old is going to be getting into soon! I will keep the blender handy and try my hand at some of the “green” smoothies! Thanks again for all of your helpful blogging Maryea!
*Reading…..oops, typo!
You are welcome! 🙂
I absolutely think they are made, with a few exceptions. I do think how we start feeding our children(especially breastfeeding if possible, which is something I feel very strongly about) and introducing fruits and veggies and no sugar and unhealthy fats right away is extremely important, but that’s not what will guarantee that a child will be a good eater. I think all kids go through a picky phase(whether it’s teething or some other disruption or they genuinely think they don’t like something, or even that they want to control what they get) and I think parents have zero control over HOW picky a child will get unless parents force kids to eat, or push them when they shouldn’t be pushed – that will only lead to more pickiness. The fact that your daughter will still eat some healthy foods is great and an amazing sign(because I know a lot of moms who say their kids will only eat boxed mac and cheese or whatever. Um, nothing else? Really?), and honestly I think there are worse choices than pb+j’s. Also, you just moved recently, right? That could be a source of her only wanting to eat comforting foods that she knows she likes. Plus you mentioned teething, that would make a lot of sense too.
So I do think what we feed our kids early on affects them, but mostly I think it’s how we deal with them being picky. There are so many tricks to getting your kids to eat healthy foods, but I think what is most important is making sure they know that fruits and veggies are the most important things for them to eat and to try things before deciding if they don’t like it. They can only really learn this by following their parents example at first and as they get older you can explain to them the difference that eating a chocolate bar vs. an apple will have on their body. They don’t have to be perfect little eaters when they’re little and it’s really OK for them to want to eat foods they know they like, like pb+j’s. And it’s OK to take really small steps to make them into better eaters because no one is perfect and I think it’s something we all have to work on all throughout our lives. It’s a learning experience that doesn’t stop when a child grows up, we just have to lay the groundwork to make sure they have good eating habits regardless of what they are eating and to make sure they aren’t afraid to try new things.
Hopefully this comment makes sense. There is so much to say about kids and eating and I’m still feeling scattered from the weekend!
Your comment makes perfect sense. I think you are probably right; it’s too early to tell if Meghan is going to be a “good eater” or not, because right now she’s just being a 2-year-old. 🙂 Hopefully my persistence will pay off eventually!
Hang in there Maryea. You are a wonderful mother. I agree with the others; this is not about food, it is about independence. Ah….just the beginning. 🙂 Here is some advice for the future.
My baby is now 21 and on his own. It seems like yesterday when, at age 2, he would eat his weight in fresh bluberries and steamed green beans. Then at age 4 I could count on one hand the things he would eat.
I recently re-married and I now have a 13 year old step-son who is with us every other weekend. He has gotten used to the fact that there is no junk food in our house and nobody is going to take him to McDonalds. There is no struggle; it’s just “matter of fact.” I found the best approach is not to make an issue out of food. I have him give me a list of things he likes and then together we choose the best/healthiest options. He feels in control and I know he is getting “real food.” His custodial mother is health conscious as well so that makes it much easier for me.
Your little one is her own person and she will constantly remind you of that fact. My number one rule in child rearing is let them be who they are and don’t break their spirit.
Best wishes and be confidant that you are doing a great job.
Thank you so much for your inspiring words. I love how you keep things “matter of fact” surrounding food. I strive to have the same attitude as I don’t want my daughter to ever associate negative emotions with food and eating.
One of my kids is way more adventurous than the other when it comes to eating. A good friend of mine believes that parents are simply ambassadors for their children. We give them the basics and show them around. Sometimes I’d be very happy if I had more power over my little ones’ eating. But except for lucky days, I don’t.