• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Recipes
  • Life
  • Parenting
  • Natural Living
  • Travel
  • Fitness
  • Book
    • Anti-Inflammatory Drinks for Health
    • I Love My Instant Pot Anti-Inflammatory Recipes
  • Resource Library
    • Get a Password

Happy Healthy Mama

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
Home » Parenting » How Not to Lose Yourself In Motherhood

Last updated on May 24, 2021. Originally posted on May 10, 2017 By Maryea / 8 Comments

How Not to Lose Yourself In Motherhood

19 shares
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Mom looking frustrating and exhausted--how to not lose yourself in motherhoodSeptember 21, 2008 around 9 o’clock in the evening my whole world changed. That first moment when my daughter, brand new to the world, grabbed my hospital gown with her tiny hand I knew I was done. Motherhood took hold of my heart and it was never letting go.

But what does that mean? When I gave birth, did Maryea walk out of the door and Mommy walk in? That person I was before I brought a tiny human into the world, what about her?

Do you ever feel like your identity is wrapped up in being a mom and it’s hard to see the person you were before entering the world of motherhood? Who are you, exactly?

Wife.New bride and groom, smiling and happy--how not to lose yourself in motherhoodMother.Mom with 2 kids smiling--how to not lose yourself in motherhoodI spent a lot of time in my 20s dreaming about becoming someone’s wife and someone’s mother. What I didn’t think about much was what would happen to Maryea once I gained those titles.

It isn’t easy to hold onto a personal identity after you’re married and start a family. I distinctly remember feeling it slip away after Meghan was born, and it’s one of the reasons why I started this blog. I needed a role that relied on my personal talents outside of being a good wife and mom.

As a new mom, I realized right away that while I wanted to be a good wife, a good mom, and cherished those roles, I also really wanted to maintain my personal identity.

Last week, I traveled alone to Salt Lake City, Utah for the Everything Food blogging conference. Wednesday through Sunday, I was away from my family and focused on work alone. I have only traveled alone a handful of times since being married, but every time I’m reminded of its importance.mountains with snow as viewed from airplane--how to not lose yourself in motherhoodYes, I miss my kids and husband when I’m gone, but at the same time, it’s good for my soul. I get the chance to stop for a minute and just be me. Not Maryea the wife or Maryea the mom. Just Maryea.

How often does that happen for you?

Sometimes I think of my own mother while I was growing up, and this is probably why I’m acutely aware of not losing my identity through motherhood. She never traveled alone without my dad or at least one of her kids. Never. Not once.

The week before my high school graduation, she cried every single day. Every time I saw her, she’d just burst into tears. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I see it. So much of her identity was based on her role as a mother, and I was her baby, getting ready to go off to college.

She not only had to face her last child leaving the home, but was also being forced to look at herself and rediscover who she was outside of her role as mom.

Today I want to challenge you to work to maintain your identity, even as you rock motherhood. Your identity is not singular. Be the best mom you can be, but also remember who you were before giving birth. That person is worth knowing. That person’s identity is worth maintaining.

How to Not Lose Yourself in Motherhood

1. Maintain your personal interests.

 It’s cool that you love Disney World right along with your kids, read Harry Potter with them, and spend your weekends at soccer games. But remember those things YOU liked before motherhood? Those are important, too.

2. Set and work towards personal goals. 

Working towards achieving something outside of motherhood is important. Whether it’s work-related or health-related, or something else, as long as it’s something you’re working towards achieving for yourself, it will help you with having a personal identity separate from your role as mom.

3. Insist on time alone.

I understand that not everyone is able to take a trip alone. But how about an hour a week where you are totally alone in your bathroom and get to take a bath and read a book? Every mother needs at least a little time alone, away from her kids, in her life. Be resourceful if you need to, but make it happen.

4. Avoid isolation. 

No, this isn’t a contradiction to #3. I’m talking about isolation from friends and/or other adults. When my first child was born, I stopped working and became a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t have any friends near me who were also moms and also staying at home. The isolation was stifling. I immediately started to seek out mom’s groups so I could connect with others. Being around other adults can help you remember the person you are outside of being a mom. Online groups can be equally helpful.

If you’re looking for a group of health-minded moms for ideas and support, check out The Happy Healthy Mama Community private Facebook group. I’d love to have you join us!

5. Keep up your appearance.

I get it. It’s easy to forget about this when your main focus is keeping tiny humans alive. But it’s just as important for your mental health as your marriage that you allow yourself to focus on how you look. Looking good can be a big help in feeling good. So try your best to stay active and fit, take time to fix your hair, and remember to treat yourself to new clothes every once in a while. You can be comfy and casual and still look good! Check out this post on the perfect white tee to see what I mean.

Clearly, I identify as a mother. I named my blog Happy Healthy Mama! But doesn’t mean mom is the only part of me. Becoming a mom doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. Motherhood is one of the greatest joys of my life, but I know I wouldn’t be my happiest self if it was my only source of joy.

Don’t you ever feel guilty about wanting to find yourself outside of your role as a mom. The truth is, I’m a better mom because I do have an identity outside of motherhood. You are, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

19 shares
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Filed Under: Life

Previous Post: « Mexican Chopped Salad with Spicy Avocado Dressing
Next Post: Easy Lemon Garlic Skillet Chicken Breasts »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kristen says

    June 10, 2021 at 1:03 am

    Thank you for this post! I am in early pregnancy and reading about all this “losing my identity will happen” and it is giving me anxiety. I am in very early pregnancy, planned and very wanted first baby but everything is much scarier now that it’s real!
    This post has helped me put it into perspective 🙂

    Reply
  2. Kathy says

    February 12, 2019 at 4:50 am

    Thanks you! keep up the great work!

    Reply
  3. Denise says

    April 6, 2018 at 12:19 am

    I loved and enjoyed reading this post! It was a HUGE eye opener, for sure. I’m a first time mom to a 7 month old baby and I feel I’m losing myself and will continue my mother’s pattern if I don’t make a difference and break the cycle right now. My mother is just like you described yours. She is pretty much lost without my brothers and I. And me, well I love my baby so much and as much as my husband encourages me to have “me” time I just can’t seem to pull away from “mom role” I feel as if I get separation anxiety if away from my baby. Reading this post made me see this a little more clear. Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Maryea says

      April 7, 2018 at 5:46 pm

      You’re so welcome, Denise. <3

      Reply
  4. How To Reset My Wife says

    April 2, 2018 at 8:29 am

    Very helpful and Great information,
    we appreciate advise especially coming from a professional.
    Thanks again and keep up the great work!

    Reply
  5. Pregnancy Cramps says

    January 15, 2018 at 5:18 am

    This is so important. I have seen many instances where a woman’s identity is only that of a mom. Her career goals, likes, passion and hobbies go out for a toss. Unfortunately, most mom don’t realize it soon enough!

    Reply
  6. Bree says

    May 22, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    I really like this post. It’s so true! It took 4 years after my daughter was born to realize that I needed to separate and do some me things. I’ve always been a working mom, so part of my journey was to find balance between working, being a mother, and attending to myself (and being a good partner to my husband!). Not easy, but has gotten a ton easier. Having a supportive spouse makes it a lot easier, mainly because he encourages me, but I’m the one who has to actually do it!

    Reply
    • Maryea says

      May 23, 2017 at 10:43 pm

      I agree–having a supportive spouse makes a HUGE difference.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

What are you looking for?

Welcome! I'm Maryea, author of Happy Healthy Mama. I am on a mission to create the healthiest life possible for my family and inspire you to do the same! Read More…

By Category

Easy + Healthy Dinners

up close photo of salmon quinoa bowl

Salmon Quinoa Bowl Recipe

a big white bowl of pasta

Instant Pot Pasta (3 ingredients!)

close up of instant pot chicken vegetable soup

Instant Pot Chicken Vegetable Soup

close up photo of mozzarella stuffed chicken in marinara sauce

Mozzarella Stuffed Chicken Recipe (SO EASY!)

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

close up shot of taco casserole

Easy Taco Casserole Recipe (and healthy!)

close up photo of Buffalo chicken Stuffed Sweet Potato with cilantro and extra buffalo sauce

Buffalo Chicken Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

an overhead shot of zucchini gratin with fresh basil on top

75 Healthy Zucchini Recipes

Archives

Gluten-Free

up close photo of salmon quinoa bowl

Salmon Quinoa Bowl Recipe

Quick and easy vegan mushroom soup with spoon

Quick and Easy Vegan Mushroom Soup

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

close up view of buckwheat pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas and syrup dripping down the stack

Buckwheat Pancakes Recipe

a jar with liquid and chunks of food

Fire Cider (Easy Homemade Recipe)

close up of instant pot chicken vegetable soup

Instant Pot Chicken Vegetable Soup

Crock Pot Hot chocolate with marshmallows

Crock Pot Hot Chocolate

a stack of gluten free peanut butter blossoms

Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Blossoms

More Posts from this Category

Dairy-Free

Quick and easy vegan mushroom soup with spoon

Quick and Easy Vegan Mushroom Soup

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea in a clear mug with a lemon wheel on the rim

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea Recipe

a jar with liquid and chunks of food

Fire Cider (Easy Homemade Recipe)

Pineapple Smoothie recipe with banana and ginger

Pineapple Banana Smoothie Recipe

overhead shot of pear compote in a jar

Pear Compote: Simple + Delicious Recipe

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

close up photo of Chickpea Soup recipe

Chickpea Soup (Easy and healthy!)

More Posts from this Category

Vegetarian

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

Homemade Pesto with spinach and a spoon

Spinach Pesto Recipe

close up view of buckwheat pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas and syrup dripping down the stack

Buckwheat Pancakes Recipe

a jar with liquid and chunks of food

Fire Cider (Easy Homemade Recipe)

Crock Pot Hot chocolate with marshmallows

Crock Pot Hot Chocolate

Pineapple Smoothie recipe with banana and ginger

Pineapple Banana Smoothie Recipe

overhead shot of pear compote in a jar

Pear Compote: Simple + Delicious Recipe

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

See More →

Vegan

Quick and easy vegan mushroom soup with spoon

Quick and Easy Vegan Mushroom Soup

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea in a clear mug with a lemon wheel on the rim

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea Recipe

a jar with liquid and chunks of food

Fire Cider (Easy Homemade Recipe)

Pineapple Smoothie recipe with banana and ginger

Pineapple Banana Smoothie Recipe

overhead shot of pear compote in a jar

Pear Compote: Simple + Delicious Recipe

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

close up photo of Chickpea Soup recipe

Chickpea Soup (Easy and healthy!)

See More →

Anti-Inflammatory

up close photo of salmon quinoa bowl

Salmon Quinoa Bowl Recipe

Quick and easy vegan mushroom soup with spoon

Quick and Easy Vegan Mushroom Soup

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

close up view of buckwheat pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas and syrup dripping down the stack

Buckwheat Pancakes Recipe

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea in a clear mug with a lemon wheel on the rim

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea Recipe

a jar with liquid and chunks of food

Fire Cider (Easy Homemade Recipe)

close up of instant pot chicken vegetable soup

Instant Pot Chicken Vegetable Soup

Pineapple Smoothie recipe with banana and ginger

Pineapple Banana Smoothie Recipe

More Posts from this Category

Kid-Friendly

up close photo of salmon quinoa bowl

Salmon Quinoa Bowl Recipe

a big white bowl of pasta

Instant Pot Pasta (3 ingredients!)

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

close up view of buckwheat pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas and syrup dripping down the stack

Buckwheat Pancakes Recipe

Crock Pot Hot chocolate with marshmallows

Crock Pot Hot Chocolate

stuffed garlic bread recipe close up shot from overhead

Best Ever Stuffed Garlic Bread Recipe

close up photo of mozzarella stuffed chicken in marinara sauce

Mozzarella Stuffed Chicken Recipe (SO EASY!)

close up photo of honey roasted carrots and parsnips recipe

Honey Roasted Carrots and Parsnips (Easiest ever!)

More Posts from this Category

Smoothies

green smoothie in a glass
Pineapple Smoothie recipe with banana and ginger
Pineapple Spinach Smoothie looking down into the glass
A hand grabbing a green straw that is in a tall glass with a chocolate colored smoothie
Strawberry Peanut Butter Smoothie recipe in a tall glass with a red and and white striped straw and a strawberry garnish
Cranberry Smoothie recipe in a tall glass with two straws and fresh cranberries on the table and a blue and white napkin
2 mango smoothies with turquoise paper straws
blueberry chocolate smoothie in a tall glass with chocolate and blueberries on top

More Posts from this Category

Breakfast

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

close up view of buckwheat pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas and syrup dripping down the stack

Buckwheat Pancakes Recipe

a bowl of oatmeal with a cup of coffee and a bowl of fresh apples in the background

Best Ever Apple Pie Overnight Oats

an overhead shot of zucchini gratin with fresh basil on top

75 Healthy Zucchini Recipes

baked oatmeal in a dish with a spoon scooping out a serving

Peach Baked Oatmeal (Easy + Healthy!)

vegan zucchini muffins on a board

Wholesome Vegan Zucchini Muffins

Pineapple Spinach Smoothie looking down into the glass

Pineapple Spinach Smoothie Recipe

almond flour banana muffins with chocolate chips in the middle--a close up shot being held in a hand

Almond Flour Banana Muffins

See More →

Lunch

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Edamame Salad in a white bowl

Edamame Salad Recipe (Easy!)

Cold Busting Soup Recipe

Cold Busting Soup

overhead shot of Roasted Red Pepper Soup recipe

Roasted Red Pepper Soup Recipe

apple cranberry tuna salad on bread with a green and white striped napkin

Apple Cranberry Tuna Salad

Spicy Turkey Meal Prep Bowls

Salmon Salad in a bowl with a fork

Salmon Salad Recipe

a spoonful of Greek Lemon Chicken soup coming out of bowl

Greek Lemon Chicken Soup with Orzo

See More →

Dinner

up close photo of salmon quinoa bowl

Salmon Quinoa Bowl Recipe

a big white bowl of pasta

Instant Pot Pasta (3 ingredients!)

close up of instant pot chicken vegetable soup

Instant Pot Chicken Vegetable Soup

close up photo of mozzarella stuffed chicken in marinara sauce

Mozzarella Stuffed Chicken Recipe (SO EASY!)

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

close up shot of taco casserole

Easy Taco Casserole Recipe (and healthy!)

close up photo of Buffalo chicken Stuffed Sweet Potato with cilantro and extra buffalo sauce

Buffalo Chicken Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

an overhead shot of zucchini gratin with fresh basil on top

75 Healthy Zucchini Recipes

See More →

Desserts

a stack of gluten free peanut butter blossoms

Gluten-Free Peanut Butter Blossoms

close up photo of a stack of cookies on a green plate

Brown Butter Snickerdoodles (Must try!)

Healthy Peanut Butter Cups (4 ingredients)

close up photo of air fryer apples (slices)

Air Fryer Apples (Healthy!)

serving up Simple Baked Apples Recipe whole apples and baked dish

Simple Baked Apples Recipe

Almond Flour chocolate Chip Cookies recipe with a bite out of one

Almond Flour Chocolate Chip Cookies

how to make Vegan Chocolate Ganache recipe in a red bowl

How to Make Vegan Chocolate Ganache

no bake almond butter cookies with a bite

No Bake Almond Butter Cookies

See More →

Snacks

green smoothie in a glass

Iron Rich Smoothie Recipe

close up photo of air fryer apples (slices)

Air Fryer Apples (Healthy!)

apple cucumber salad in a white bowl with a napkin next to the bowl and salt and pepper shakers in the background.

Quick & Easy Apple Cucumber Salad

an overhead shot of zucchini gratin with fresh basil on top

75 Healthy Zucchini Recipes

vegan zucchini muffins on a board

Wholesome Vegan Zucchini Muffins

Pineapple Spinach Smoothie looking down into the glass

Pineapple Spinach Smoothie Recipe

Perfect Guacamole for football game entertaining

The Best Guacamole Recipe-Ever!

Beetroot hummus with carrots crackers and cucumbers on a board

Beetroot Hummus Recipe

See More →

Salads

apple cucumber salad in a white bowl with a napkin next to the bowl and salt and pepper shakers in the background.

Quick & Easy Apple Cucumber Salad

an overhead shot of zucchini gratin with fresh basil on top

75 Healthy Zucchini Recipes

Broccoli Salad with yogurt dressing

Healthy Broccoli Salad Recipe

Edamame Salad in a white bowl

Edamame Salad Recipe (Easy!)

overhead shot of Thai Salad in a white bowl with a serving spoon and a green and white napkin

Vibrant Thai Salad

Beet Salad with goat cheese recipe on a fork

Delicious Beet Salad with Goat Cheese

apple cranberry tuna salad on bread with a green and white striped napkin

Apple Cranberry Tuna Salad

Southwest Chicken Salad Recipe

Southwest Chicken Salad Recipe

See More →

Soups

Quick and easy vegan mushroom soup with spoon

Quick and Easy Vegan Mushroom Soup

close up of instant pot chicken vegetable soup

Instant Pot Chicken Vegetable Soup

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

Pantry Pumpkin Bisque

close up photo of Chickpea Soup recipe

Chickpea Soup (Easy and healthy!)

overhead shot of Red Cabbage Soup recipe in a white bowl with a navy napkin and spoon in the background

Red Cabbage Soup (Incredible!)

an overhead shot of zucchini gratin with fresh basil on top

75 Healthy Zucchini Recipes

Cold Busting Soup Recipe

Cold Busting Soup

spicy black bean soup with avocado slices on top and salt and pepper in the background and a blue napkin

Spicy Black Bean Soup

See More →

Side Dishes

a big white bowl of pasta

Instant Pot Pasta (3 ingredients!)

stuffed garlic bread recipe close up shot from overhead

Best Ever Stuffed Garlic Bread Recipe

close up photo of honey roasted carrots and parsnips recipe

Honey Roasted Carrots and Parsnips (Easiest ever!)

overhead shot of pear compote in a jar

Pear Compote: Simple + Delicious Recipe

overhead shot of Savory Mashed Sweet Potatoes Recipe

Savory Mashed Sweet Potatoes (Quick & Easy!)

close up photo of air fryer apples (slices)

Air Fryer Apples (Healthy!)

scooping out zucchini and squash from a white bowl

Air Fryer Zucchini and Squash (SO FAST!)

steamed broccoli in a bowl

Steamed Broccoli–Instant Pot Recipe

See More →

Appetizers

stuffed garlic bread recipe close up shot from overhead

Best Ever Stuffed Garlic Bread Recipe

Beetroot hummus with carrots crackers and cucumbers on a board

Beetroot Hummus Recipe

Broccoli Salad with yogurt dressing

Healthy Broccoli Salad Recipe

Air Fryer Asparagus Recipe overhead shot

Air Fryer Asparagus Recipe

Buffalo Cauliflower Poppers healthy football food

Healthy Super Bowl Recipes

buffalo chicken dip on a celery stick

Dairy-Free Buffalo Chicken Dip (4 ingredients!)

This Skinny Buffalo Chicken Dip is the perfect appetizer for your Super Bowl Party recipe line-up! No one will notice the missing calories or fat.

Healthy Buffalo Chicken Dip

Lighten up your game day and party appetizers with this SKINNY Spinach Artichoke Dip. Tastes AMAZING but with less calorie! #recipe #partyfood

Healthy Spinach Artichoke Dip

More Posts from this Category

Beverages

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea in a clear mug with a lemon wheel on the rim

Lemon Ginger Turmeric Tea Recipe

Crock Pot Hot chocolate with marshmallows

Crock Pot Hot Chocolate

cranberry margarita with a sugar rim, lime wheel, and fresh cranberries

Cranberry Margarita – The Perfect Holiday Cocktail Recipe

Patritotic Sangria recipe close up in a glass with fruit

Patriotic Sangria Recipe

Simply the best margarita in the world

Simply the Best Margarita Recipe

Anti-inflammatory turmeric smoothie recipe

Anti-inflammatory Turmeric Smoothie

healthy Homemade Hot Chocolate Mix Recipe in a mug

Homemade Hot Chocolate Mix Recipe (Dairy Free and Sugar Free!)

Frozen Strawberry Lemonade Recipe close up of glass with lemon garnish

Frozen Strawberry Lemonade Recipe

See More →

Footer

Privacy

Copyright © 2023 · Cookd Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in