Besides when I was postpartum with Luke, I don’t talk about weight here very much. Weight is a sticky subject; a place where you need to tread carefully so as not to offend others. I might offend someone today. Let me just apologize ahead of time because there’s only one way I know how to talk about this and that’s candidly.
I was chatting with my father-in-law on New Year’s Eve. He was telling me how he doesn’t believe in setting resolutions for himself and how they are basically the same for everyone: losing weight, etc. I mentioned that losing weight wasn’t on my list of resolutions. His response caused me to pause.
You’re lucky you don’t have to worry about that.
Hmmm. I’ve thought about it a lot since then. Is it true? Am I just lucky that I’ve more or less maintained the same weight, with the exception of pregnancy and the months following the birth of my children, since I was about 16?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it’s far from the truth. There’s a lot more than luck going on for me to maintain my weight.
So what is it? What’s my big secret? Does it have to do with dieting or restriction or starving myself? Nope.
It has to do with awareness.
I was talking with a woman in her 40s once and she said, “Somewhere between 30 and 40 I gained 35 pounds. I don’t know how it happened.” Huh? What do you mean you don’t know how it happened? 35 pounds doesn’t just sneak up and settle in your body without you knowing it–does it?
Actually, it can happen that way. As we get older, life gets busier and busier. Kids, their activities, and work responsibilities are all things that pull us away from an active lifestyle and towards less healthy convenience foods that can contribute to weight gain.
And here’s the thing. It starts small. Gaining 35 pounds in 10 years is less than 5 pounds a year. Gaining 3-4 pounds a year doesn’t sound like a big deal. It probably doesn’t feel like a big deal, at first, either. Until one day you look back at a picture and wonder what the heck happened to that skinny girl you once knew.
So yes, awareness of my weight helps me keep it in a healthy range. Please note that awareness does not equal obsession. I don’t obsess about my weight or what I eat. I maintain a healthy lifestyle and know that choices have consequences.
I know my everyday choices can have a big impact in the long term. I choose to indulge sometimes and when I do I try to balance it out with less caloric or less sugary choices. I know that choosing to indulge too often can result in gaining weight. So I try not to. I know that over time, not exercising regularly causes me to gain weight. I try to not let that happen.
I pay attention to how my clothes fit. Those jeans in the picture up there? They are my “skinny jeans” that only fit when I’m at my thinnest. They are about 6 years old and even when they fit I don’t wear them that much, but I will keep them as long as I can because they are a great barometer.
Every so often, I step on the scale. If I notice my weight is going up, I check it a little more often to see if it’s real weight gain or just a natural fluctuation.
Awareness is the first part of the equation in how I keep myself from getting fat. But it’s not the whole picture. First I’m aware. Next comes action. Awareness is the easy part. Action isn’t so easy.
I was prompted to write this post because this winter I have gained some weight. About 5 pounds. Without awareness, I would probably not even realize it. I’m pretty sure most people around me haven’t noticed. Without awareness, that 5 pounds would probably have turned to 10 pounds by this summer.
Here’s the thing. I’m not unhappy with my body right now. My pants are a little tighter, but they still fit. I know in the long term, I don’t want to gain any more weight. So I’m taking action.
I’m not dieting. I’m just paying more attention to what I’m eating. I’m looking at my portion sizes, eating frequency, wine consumption, sugar consumption, the amount of carbs I’m eating–all the things that could contribute to me gaining weight.
Another thing I’m focusing on is my intensity in workouts. When I need to lose a few pounds, I know I can’t do it without working out harder. I’ve gotten to know my body over the years and how it responds to changes. For me, workout’s have to be hard and intense for me to lose weight.
The point? I’m doing something about it. I’m not just letting it go. I’m determined to maintain my weight over the long term, so I am committed to working hard to lose a few pounds and not gain anymore. It has nothing to do with luck, and everything to do with willpower and hard work.
I’ve earned my body. I will continue to earn it and honor it as long as I am physically able.
So there it is. The two reasons I don’t get fat are pretty simple: awareness and action.
I’d love to have a conversation with you about this. I know weight it a sensitive subject and I sincerely hope this post doesn’t come across the wrong way. I’ve heard “you’re so lucky” more times than I can count and I really wanted to express how much hard work it is to maintain weight.
I couldn’t agree with you more! I actually weigh a few pounds less now after having two babies than before. I’ve almost always eaten well but nowadays I eat even better than before cutting out most refined flour and sugar and instead focusing on loads of whole grain foods, veggies and fish. I also drink less wine and in doing so I also eat less salty snacks, cheese and cracks. My aim is to eat 80% healthy and 20% where I can endulge in richer food, desserts and wine. This in combination with exercising 3-4 times/week allows me to maintain my weight without having to count calories. Having healthy desserts and treats are also a big part of this and how staying heathy can be a fun and creative experience. But when I do drink wine several nights a week ( 1-2 glasses) I tend to put on a few pounds, which mostly has to do with what I snack on with my wine and that it effect my exercise rutine the day after.
I love the 80/20 philosophy!
I’m going to the gym!!!!!!!
You know I love you, right? 🙂
I weigh myself too. When I don’t, I don’t notice if I’m gaining weight – even by my clothes.
Yes, I agree. By the time I notice in my clothes I have already gained more weight than I would like to.
Thank you for sharing! I think you approached this in the least offensive way possible. I love your blog and recipes. You really inspire me.
Thank you for your comment, Laura! I was really nervous to post this as I was afraid it would be misunderstood. I appreciate your feedback.
Love your post!! Awareness and action are great to acknowledge. And love that you said no one probably noticed your 5 pounds but you – so true but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important to you. I feel the same!
Thanks, Kath. It’s so true that it’s about how I feel and not how others perceive me.
What if the woman who gained 35 pounds in 10 years wasn’t just blithely unaware, but had an undiscovered thyroid disorder? What if she had suffered losses in her life and ate to cope, and she did not disclose this to you?
What about women who would desperately love to have the mindset you do, but who might be poor or working two jobs or have limited access to good food or have medical problems?
What about women with eating disorders? Depression?
I’m glad you have the gift of awareness. Many overweight women also possess the gift of awareness but may be dealing with things other than a perceived fault in their ability to put “mind over matter.”
You are absolutely right in that there are many reasons behind why individuals gain weight. This post, however, is about why and how I haven’t let myself gain more than a small amount of weight. I am fully aware that I am blessed to not have any of the medical issues you listed, but my point here is that it isn’t luck that keeps me thin as so many people like to assume. At the end of my post I mention that I will continue to earn and honor my body as long as I am physically able. I realize that not everyone has the physical or mental capacity to maintain a healthy weight. This post isn’t really about that, though. It’s more for healthy individuals who do have the power to be aware and take determined action to maintain a healthy weight.
I was just coming on here to say the same as GsK. While I respect your post and the fact that, no, you’re not just lucky (you obviously make a conscious effort to maintain your weight) you didn’t own your privilege in this post. Do you have the resources (time, money, space) to obtain (grow, trade, buy) high-quality, nutritious, plant-based ingredients? Do you have the resources to make healthy meals for yourself and your family? Do you have the support and ability needed to work out or are you working 2 jobs and taking the bus for transportation? I get that this post is about how you maintain your weight, but it’s not titled “how I maintain my weight” it’s “2 reasons I don’t get fat {hint: one of them is NOT luck}” as if every overweight person makes that decision for themselves. This is your blog and that’s your opinion. I’m not trying to be a troll here, but this post really was offensive. I’m a new reader and, unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be returning. Thanks for the tomato-barley soup recipe.
I read this post and, while there did seem to be a lot of unacknowledged privilege, there was also a lack of judgement that I appreciated. The writer was talking about herself, not yelling at me or anyone else. I am a significantly overweight single mother, underpaid, and with more health issues than there is space for here, but that include sometimes needing supplemental oxygen. Yet within all those constraints, there is still room for action and choice. Without a sense of agency, the belief thatvwe can impact our own bodies and lives, what hope do we have of changing anything? Action: going to the doctor (if one has insurance) to figure out why one feels so dragged out, skipping the extra oreo, noticing that i run straight to the candy machine when i am stressed about money and doing something else instead, these things make a difference and are possible for most of us. I found the post useful as a reminder that i am not stuck, that one choice, one action at a time will make a difference. And i dont have to be worried about what one slimmish privileged woman might or might not be saying to me, i can just take what’s useful.
Hi Nadya,
I think we must have been posting our comments at the same time as after I replied to the previous comment yours popped up. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your perspective. I appreciate it.
First of all, I encouraged comments and am interested to hear what everyone thinks, both positive and negative, so I wouldn’t call you a troll for voicing your opinion. You make an interesting point about privilege. Looking deeper into the role different levels of affluence plays in weight may make for a thought-provoking post, but I don’t think it fit into today’s post. Instead, I was making a point about how I, in my given circumstances, maintain my weight. This post was not meant to imply anything about any other person and how they do or do not maintain their weight. Its title was meant to show my dislike for hearing how lucky I am to be thin. I simply wanted to make the point that for me, there’s more than luck going on in why I am at the weight I am. As a new reader, I understand that you haven’t had much opportunity to “know me” and so I get why you are considering not returning. I hope you’ll change your mind, however, as I think you’ll find I’m really not an offensive person, despite my non-politically correct way of approaching certain subjects. I hope you enjoyed the soup. 🙂
I love your philosphy behind weight gain – it’s very similar to mine. I weigh myself once a week or so and it keeps me mindful and on top of a slide upwards in the numbers. You’re point about being called lucky really hit home with me. It’s not about luck at all!
Great post. I really appreciate your honesty here! It can be very frustrating when people automatically assume that some one has been blessed with a fast metabolism and is only thin because of that. I always remind people that though I eat a lot, 85% of it is really healthy….AND I work out! It takes hard work, dedication and awareness, not just luck. Love this!
Thanks, Alexis.
I completely agree. I strongly believe in the undiet mentality. I have been heavier, I have been thinner. I have struggled for many years with eating disorders. The only thing that has kept my weight where I want it, and must importantly my health in check, is forgetting the diet way of life and finding nutrition and exercise. Balance is key, extremes will never satisfy. Trusting that God gave me the gift of self control is essential. Thank you for being brave enough to post this!
Thanks, Tria, for your comment. It means a lot to hear someone’s perspective who has struggled with eating disorders.
Totally agree 100%!! Thank you so much for posting this! I am 3 mos ppd with baby #4. My other kids are 6, 4, and 2yo. It is busy!! Prior to getting preggo with #4, I was the thinnest that I had been in a while. I was eating well & exercising quite a bit. I work 1 day/week as a pharmacist at a local pharmacy. The girls I worked with always commented about how skinny I was or how lucky I was to be so skinny after 3 kids. BUT, I exercised an hour before going to work and ate a healthy lunch while they ordered out cheeseburgers & fries. For me, its a choice no luck here. So now, I’m 3 mos ppd and this is also a pep-talk to myself. I am 9lbs away from my pre-preg weight but this last bit is only coming off with exercise & good diet. I’ve been trying on the diet end, but having hard time getting up early to exercise. I’ve done it many times before just need to get back into the habit. I did try it for a few days (I did a cardio DVD that I have) and my milk supply dropped so dramatically I’ve been scared to start back. Did you have any problems with supply & exercise. I’m thinking maybe it was too much at once and I just need to maybe do some toning and not as much cardio??
Thanks again for your honesty! I always appreciate that about your blog :))
You’re welcome Leigh Anne. I don’t think my supply suffered when I worked out more intensely, but I definitely think it contributed to me getting mastitis as often as I did. And girl, you’re only 3 months pp? Give yourself some grace!! You will find your groove again. 🙂
I dont love the words fat and skinny. Many women associate skinny with many different sizes, some much to unhealthy. Fat is very negative. I prefer overweight and healthy weight. Many people who are overweight struggle with it enough without being called fat. Many women and girls want to be skinny, when in fact what they need to be is a healthy weight, which is different for all of us. I get your post, I just think your word choice was poor and inflammatory.
Just to be fair, I didn’t call anyone fat. I said “why I don’t get fat.” Fat as an adjective to describe a possible future self, not any other person. But I get your point. Fat and skinny can be jarring terms and perhaps I should have played it safe and just used overweight and healthy weight. Although, this sounds weird: “What happened to that girl at a healthy weight I once knew?” The truth is, if I’d used different terminology I would not have been true to myself. I never use the term “healthy weight”, just skinny or thin. It is what it is. And really, is overweight really less offensive than fat? I don’t know…all I know is there was nothing mean-spirited about my intentions here. Please know that.
This is how I approach maintaining weight as well. When I weigh myself consistently, it helps me take appropriate action. If I see I’ve gained a pound or two, I’ll make better eating choices (skip the hot chocolate for water, resist the afternoon snack craving, etc.) and up my workouts at the gym. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but it certainly works for me!
That you so much for writing this post. In my opinion you have hit the nail on the head. As someone who lives with a thyroid disorder I know that without awareness and action I would probably have a weight battle on my hands, but I don’t.
I love the phrase” I’ve earned my body” because that is exactly how I feel, mommy pooch and all! Yes, I do feel like I earned my mommy pooch and I am proud of it.
Yes! I know my body is never going to be just like it was post-kids. I’m totally okay with that. 🙂
Umm…I think it’s getting late. That should say PRE kids. 😉
Anyone who has followed your blog and knows your style knows you wouldn’t set out to intentionally hurt, demean or offend others. Like you said on FB I’m sure it was difficult to publish this for fear of possible criticism but I applaud your honesty and openness! Plus I wholeheartedly agree that for most people good health takes effort and attention. Thanks for this post. And I love your blog!!
Thanks, Laura!
Thank you for posting this. It is so true. I struggled with my weight for years, always about 20 pounds heavier than I should have been. I always loved to exercise and couldn’t figure out why I was so heavy. Then about 12 years ago I stopped drinking so much and changed my diet. Voila, the pounds vanished. I changed how I thought about food. I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted and then all of sudden the food cravings went away. So now, after two kids, I still have kept the weight off. People who don’t know me from before always tell me how lucky I am to be so thin, but it sure isn’t luck. I still love to exercise and make healthy food choices. I’ve definitely earned my body.
I love your story! Thanks for sharing.
Talking about body weight is such a delicate subject, especially when you and I both know that health and nutrition are the priority, but vanity certainly plays a role in the choices we make too. I do agree that staying aware and nipping weight gain in the bud as soon as you notice your body size is increasing is important – my problem comes when I start trying too hard to lose 5 (or 10) lbs and I’m anxious to see results or think the only way the weight is going to come off is to swing hard… I think patience is important too, as is accepting the body you have today while continuing to work toward your goal (and by “you”, I mean all of us) and getting to the bottom of any self destructive habits like another commenter mentioned (emotional eating).
Thanks for sharing your experience with us Maryea! I too have to work hard to maintain the weight I’m at and it isn’t effortless for me either. I know that I really do feel better and move easier when I’m carrying less body fat – it’s really important to me to maintain a healthy weight.
Yes, patience is definitely key. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Alison.
I love this post! So honest and open!
I used to not weigh myself, but now I occasionally do because I love seeing how I am doing, whether good or bad!
Thanks, Ari. It wasn’t easy to publish it, but in the end I’m glad I did.
Ha-ha, i love how your skinny jeans have holes on the knees — sign of a good mama!! 🙂 All my jeans tear just after a year of crawling on the floor and playing. Love your post! I totally agree– there is no LUCK when it comes to how skinny you are, it’s all what you put in your mouth and how hard you work ( cooking and eating healthy, exercising). As a chubby little girl i started dieting at 11!! And always been conscious of my weight. Now, at 34 i am the same size that i was at 16, and that’s pretty good i think, if i can keep it up, i would be happy.
Love your site. I am trying to switch to no sugar ( very little?), no white flour life, and your recipes and thoughts are very inspiring. Can you please talk more on how to make a picky toddler to eat healthy? Mine only eats hot dogs and anything fried. I can’t believe he is mine sometimes, his eating is so poor 🙂
All of my jeans have either holes in the knees or they are completely faded and worn in the knees! 🙂 I will definitely incorporate more posts on picky eating and encouraging healthy eating. Thanks for letting me know what kind of posts you are looking for.
I love your blog and I thought this was an honest and thoughtful commentary. Let’s be truthful. Your blog is written mostly for an audience who share your socio -economic status. We are moms, thirty somethings, and obviously we are living on a similar track if we found your blog looking at healthy eating tips/recipes. I am more than aware that some health issues can lead to weight issues that are solely due to medicines/conditions, but a vast majority of us forget that you have to make your health your priority and that takes AWARENESS and ACTION. As women, we need to embrace and help each other by remembering that we are the gatekeepers of family health ( usually! I know there are lots of great stay at home dads, too!!) We have to be vigilant about our own and our family’s health!
You are so right that as moms, we are often the primary gatekeepers of our family’s health. It’s a big responsibility! Thanks for your thoughts on this.
I love this! Thank you for speaking about awareness and the fact that it’s not about dieting! I do think that those who have trouble losing or maintaining their weight look at others as having it easy, which is so not true!
Being healthy is definitely a way of life and I think messages like these can truly inspire others to make themselves more aware of the choices they make. Taking care of yourself is so important!
Thanks for the great read! 🙂
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading. 🙂