Breastfeeding can be a polarizing topic. Women who breastfeed sometimes like to shout loud and proud about the benefits of breastfeeding and tout it as the best way to feed a baby. Then there’s the equally passionate women who formula feed and are quick to defend their decision. As far as I can see, there really is no right answer as to what’s best for a baby. Only a right answer as to what’s best for your baby.
I’m writing this to tell my story, not to preach about breastfeeding. I was formula fed as a baby, as were both of my brothers. I don’t think my mom is less of a woman for not breastfeeding, and we all grew up strong and healthy. There are many factors that go into a decision about how you’ll feed your baby. I’m telling my story of extended breastfeeding only to help someone who might be thinking about it and curious as to what it’s like.
It’s not an easy story for me to tell. In real life, I didn’t go around announcing that I was still breastfeeding past the age most people wean. Only my best friends knew, really. While breastfeeding has become much more socially acceptable, extended breastfeeding is another story. You tell people you’re breastfeeding your infant and you might get a smile and an “awww.” Tell someone you’re breastfeeding your toddler and you’re more likely to get a side eye and an “ewww.” I decided to do it anyway.
Why I Chose Extended Breastfeeding
I have to go back to my first, Meghan, to explain why I decided to breastfeed for longer than one year. With Meghan, I thought I was going to wean her around her first birthday. At that time, “breastfeed for 6 months” was what most doctors recommended, so I figured that put me ahead of the game. I had also recently stopped drinking cow’s milk and really didn’t want Meghan to drink it, either. (That’s a whole different post, but to sum up my reasoning I don’t think milk that was designed to support and nourish a baby calf is appropriate for a baby human. We have very different needs and there’s a reason why our milk is not identical.) When I consulted with her pediatrician, I learned that she needed milk until 2 years of age because of brain development. Only breast milk or cow’s milk has adequate fat for proper brain development. At that point my decision was made to breastfeed until 2. (You can find all of Meghan’s breastfeeding stories on my Motherhood page.)
When Luke came around, I knew my goal was to breastfeed until 2. Again, this decision was based almost solely on wanting to avoid having my kids drink cow’s milk. I felt like since I could, I should provide him with the milk that is perfectly designed for a growing human. Breastfeeding Luke the first year wasn’t easy. He was milk-soy protein intolerant (MSPI) and sensitive to other food proteins as well. I had to cut out a lot of foods and ate a very limited diet. (You can read about his MSPI here.) There were definitely times I couldn’t imagine even breastfeeding him to his first birthday. Somehow, I just kept going.
When he turned 2, Tim started asking when I was going to wean him. With Meghan, I’d started the weaning process before her 2nd birthday, and she was weaned totally by 2. I knew I wanted to get pregnant and after having a miscarriage while breastfeeding when Meghan was 18 months, I wasn’t interesting in breastfeeding while pregnant again. It was physically painful and emotionally draining.
With Luke, however, I hadn’t even started the weaning process when he turned 2. His birthday is in December, and with the winter sick season upon us I thought, why not breastfeed through the winter?
One of the benefits of extended breastfeeding is increased immunity through antibodies passed on from mother to child. “Breastfeeding toddlers between the ages of one and three have been found to have fewer illnesses, illnesses of shorter duration, and lower mortality rates.” (source)
I was entering new territory breastfeeding past two, but it had gotten much easier as I was able to eat a regular diet again and Luke loved it, so I didn’t see a reason to stop. I guess there were times I felt ready to be done with it, but most of the time I just enjoyed the time with Luke and didn’t look forward to the weaning process. Toddlers are so rambunctious, especially my boy Luke, so the times when he’d slow down and breastfeed were special.
Winter came and went and I still hadn’t started the weaning process. “He’s getting so big, when are you going to wean?” Tim would often ask. I kept putting it off. By this point, it wasn’t as much about the benefits or any other reason. It was mostly because Luke loved it and I knew weaning was going to be hard. It was no different from the mama who lets her toddler continue with a binky or bottle longer than necessary. I didn’t want to take away something he loved.
What Extended Breastfeeding is Like
Every woman’s story is going to be different, but for me, breastfeeding toddlers was easier than breastfeeding infants. By the time Luke was one, he was on an easy routine of breastfeeding first thing in the morning, before his two naps, and before bed. There was occasions that he asked for it outside those times, but that was the exception, not the rule. At 18 months he dropped his second nap and then he naturally dropped that feeding and was down to three breastfeeding sessions a day.
After he turned two and became more vocal, it became more obvious that I was breastfeeding a toddler. When it was time to breastfeed, he’d point to one side and say, “I want that one.” After nursing for a bit, he’d pop off and say, “Switch sides.” Since I had stopped breastfeeding Meghan at two, I hadn’t experienced that as much with her. I won’t lie, it was a little strange breastfeeding a talking toddler, but it made me chuckle more than anything else.
Since Luke associated breastfeeding and going to bed, when he wanted milk outside of our normal times, he’d say, “It’s night-night time.” That was code for, “I want some milk, Mommy!” I really tried to keep our breastfeeding sessions to our regular routine as I didn’t want to be nursing him all day. I knew that would burn me out and three times a day was plenty. At times, however, I did breastfeed him more. Sometimes he just needed the comfort, and that’s fine.
Since Luke loved nursing and I nursed before nap time, putting him down for nap was a dream. He looked forward to nap time, whereas some toddlers fight it tooth and nail. If he was especially tired, he’d fall asleep nursing, but most of the time he didn’t. I just gave him a kiss, put him in his crib, and he’d turn over and go to sleep. Luckily, if I wasn’t home, he’d go down for nap or bedtime just fine without me, as well. But if I was home, there was no way he’d want anyone else putting him down for nap or bedtime.
As Luke got closer to three, he extended our breastfeeding sessions more and more. Bedtime started to take much longer, and I was growing weary. I knew I would be ready to be done when he turned three.
The Bittersweet Tale of Weaning my Toddler
Luke loved breastfeeding. If I’d let him lead the weaning process, I’m quite certain I would have been breastfeeding him while he was in kindergarten. He showed no signs of disinterest or slowing down. I knew, however, that I didn’t want to nurse him beyond three. So leading up to his third birthday, I started the process of weaning him.
The first session I dropped was the one first thing in the morning. This was fairly easy. Tim would go in to get him instead of me and just whisked him downstairs for breakfast.
After that morning session was gone, I waited a little while before dropping another session officially. During this time, however, we’d often go a whole day without any breastfeeding or only breastfeeding one time if I wasn’t home at nap time or bedtime.
One time, because I was out of town for a funeral and then weird scheduling, we went 4 days without breastfeeding. I waited to see if that was the end. I thought maybe it would be a natural end to breastfeeding. Nope. As soon as I was home during sleep time, he was asking for nursing. He wasn’t going to make weaning easy.
Next, I dropped the nap time session. I had to do this when Tim could be home for nap time and put him down for several days in a row. The first time I had to put him down for nap time without nursing was difficult. He didn’t understand–If Mommy was home, he nursed before nap. That’s just how it was. I still had a card to play, though, “We can nurse at bedtime.”
During this time, we were preparing Luke for what was coming. I told him that Mommy’s milk was almost gone and that when he turned three, it would be all gone. We talked about it a lot so we would be used to the idea.
Tim and I started taking turns putting Luke to bed, so we has only nursing at bedtime every other night. Most nights he’d say, “It’s Mommy’s turn to put me to bed.” He cried and cried when it was Daddy’s turn to put him down, but once they were in his room together reading stories, he was okay.
Once his third birthday came, we reminded him that he was three and that meant Mommy’s milk was all gone. At first I thought he was going to accept it easily, but soon realized that wasn’t the case. “But I’m not three yet. I’m still two,” was his response after thinking about it for a bit.
Bedtime was hard for a while. We were met with tears and Luke crying that he was still two. While I was ready to be done breastfeeding, I wasn’t ready for the heartache that came along with weaning my toddler.
It’s almost been two months now since he’s officially been weaned, and it’s gotten much easier. Once in a while he still says, “I’m not three yet, I’m still two,” as if to check and see if maybe, just maybe, Mommy will say okay.
While I didn’t set out to breastfeed Luke until three, I’m glad I did. I wish that he would have been more ready to wean when I was, but I can’t allow myself to feel guilty. Even though it’s hard for me, I’m happy to share this journey with others and hope it helps make the decision to try extended breastfeeding easier for someone.
I have been breastfeeding for over 8 years.
Been pregnant 3 times
(3 pairs of female twins)
Sofia and Jojo
7 years 10 months
Anna and Elsa
4 years 4 months
Maddy and Olife
1 year 1 month
My husband and I had agreed that we would let everything take its course.
We rely on breastfeeding as a natural birth control method.
It has been very fruitful and effective for our family.
2nd and 3rd pregnancy of last grade
I’m pregnant and still haven’t had my postpartum period come back.
Today, our current twins are breastfed all the time, but I haven’t gotten my period back after giving birth.
And hopefully it will be a way to increase our baby birth gap for some time to come.
It’s great when a baby is breastfed.
My baby is now 1.5 years old and gave up breastfeeding at 6 months. But he was on mixed feeding from birth, because there was not enough breast milk and we fed him formula, we bought him formula https://thebestfromjapan.com/holle-cows-milk-formula-1-baby on the advice of our pediatrician. I was very worried that the baby would get all the vitamins he needed for proper immune and nervous development. But now the baby is 1.5 years old and everything is fine, he is developing properly and we continue to give him the age-appropriate formula.
My son just turned 2 about two weeks ago. I have breastfed him all the while, with very little family support. Today is my last day of nursing, and I feel so sad about it. I have to start on cholesterol and blood pressure medication (😣 runs in the family no matter how many salads I eat, or miles I run!) tomorrow, so I had the weekend to enjoy our last nursing sessions. I struggled with infertility for 9 years, and had two rounds of IVF before having my son. I know, apart from a miracle from God, that I won’t nurse another baby. This was my long awaited prayer, and I have been truly blessed. But I find myself already missing the one on one moments of stillness that accompany our nursing sessions. Just me, and my little boy. 😢 If it we’re not for needing to start the meds, I would continue. But I know I’ve done well to make it this far. We faced a lot of trials, but I wanted to give my son the best I could. Tonight, before bedtime, will be our very last nursing session. My heart feels so sad!
I have tears for you, Ashley. It’s been 4 years since I stopped nursing my youngest and I still miss those quiet moments. Cherish the memories–they will always be there.
Feeding the breastfed infant is not only good for kids but also it good for mom. Kids will build a good relation which makes them mentally strong as well. Thanks for sharing this wonderful blog. Keep sharing!
This is the first time I’ve come across your blog and I just wanted to say how much I appreciated your honest and un-hyped style of writing. I am a mother of four, with the youngest just about to turn one. I’ve always breastfed my kids til around the one year mark but have been considering going a little longer with our youngest. Your straightforward and matter of fact post has helped me to see more of the pros and cons and I really appreciate that. I’m bookmarking your blog and look forward to reading more!
Thanks for your comment Niki. I really appreciate it! I’m glad you found my blog. 🙂
Hello,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! I am reading your blog and it has helped me a lot. My baby is highly allergic to soy, diary and nuts (including chicken, fish and egg). He is 10 month old now and I have no option rather than keeping breastfeeding up till the allergy outgrow. I wonder how you did the weaning considering your kid allergy. Could you substitute the milk with sth else or he has outgrown his allergy by age 3.
Thanks!
I breastfed him until he was 3 and at that point he had outgrown all intolerances. He doesn’t drink cow’s milk though. He does eat yogurt and cheese.
This is really a well written and beautiful post. I can only think that Luke will grow up being a gentle, kind and loving young man.
Thank you, Kathy. I sure hope so.
Hi how much time does luke takes to be completely mspi free and how is he doing now. Whats his age now.
Hi there! He’s 10 now and mostly tolerates all foods. Sometimes he has minor digestive issues with dairy, so we limit how much he consumes. He was able to start tolerating different foods at 2 1/2 years old.
Thanks for sharing your story. I found your website when you were discussing MSPI because I had the same issue with my daughter. And thanks for sharing the diaper pictures…I couldn’t find info anywhere else!!! I thought I would breastfeed for a year, but now I’m going on a year and a half and have no plans of stopping soon. Everyone asks when I am going to stop, but since my daughter still has MSPI, it is easier to be able to eliminate the food from my diet to ensure she is getting the healthy milk she needs. I hope she grows out of it like Luke!
when i’m a mom, i hope i get to do this. I think breast feeding for that long does wonders for brain and gut health!
thank you so much for sharing your journey – I cried when you described him wanting to still be two so he could nurse more. My son is 10 months and I have been trying to decide how long I want to nurse for – I thought I would nurse for two years but I may be open to nursing longer depending on what it’s like at that point. I really appreciated hearing your story and what it was like for you!
Thank you so much for sharing. I am going through this process right now with my 3 1/2 year old. I really thought he would wean, but he never has, and I’ve felt so guilty for taking away something he loves. He will cry and cry sometimes, it’s heartbreaking. But, at the same time, I’m just done. It is no longer mutually beneficial, and in fact at times I loathed it, but tolerated for my little guy. We have nursed longer than I thought we would, and I’m proud of us, but weaning is much different, and difficult, than I thought it would be. So appreciate you sharing your own journey. Thank you!
Good luck with the weaning! I know how heartbreaking it is. Stay strong, mama.
This is such an inspiration.
I just weaned my 2 year old and I have to admit, each time she asks for “just a little bit,” I can feel my heart break, just a little bit.
I really love reading about other mothers making decisions based on what their babies need and not what the folks around them want for their babies.
Thank you for this.
You’re welcome, Sara. 🙂
So much of your story is my own! My eldest weaned at 14 months and I was 5 months pregnant. My youngest, and last, is still nursing before naps and bedtime at 22 months with no signs of stopping. Luckily, he easily goes down for my husband and mom when I am not here. I had to give up dairy and soy for the first year and I work outside the home so I was also a slave to the pump and a Strict diet! I am now enjoying nursing because at this stage it is so easy compared to the food eliminating, pumping that was his first year. However, I know at about age 3 I’ll likely be where you were if he has not self-weaned. I’m glad to know someone else out there found peace and enjoyment in toddler nursing after difficult infant nursing. It truly is so much easier than newborn feeding! I continue as much for him as for myself. It is our special time for about another year or so.
Enjoy it! I will admit that while I was ready to be done, there are times when I miss it.
This is a lovely story! Do check out the book and Facebook page “https://www.facebook.com/BreastfeedingOlderChildren” for stories of women who were OK with breastfeeding past 3, and 4, etc, because it gets even easier as you go and our children still benefitted from it.
Thanks for sharing!
So, turns out I actually nursed a bit longer. But, it’s quite interesting to read the stories and see the weening process. So, I extended breastfed my first. I continued to do so after getting pregnant the second time and miscarriaged. The doctor assured me that it was another issue that caused the miscarriage. So, I continued. Keeran was about a year and a half and I wasn’t ready to ween and regular milk upset his stomach so much. I got pregnant again the following month and this time the pregnancy went full term and I did great. Then I continued to dual feed till Keeran was three years seven months. His decision and very little weening, he just stopped. Of course due to younger brother his time tapered a lot naturally. Then when Jash was diagnosed with multiple allergies to include milk I let him go on for the same length of time, give or take 3 years 9 months. And one day he just says, “Mommy, your milk is gone.” And that was that. And no I never really talked about it or shared much about it and I never intended for it to keep going for so long. But, I do secretly hope it will have some effect on their milk allergy and intolerance. Thank you so much for sharing.
I have to admit I’m jealous that weaning was so easy for you with both boys! I guess if I’d kept it up longer it could have been the same for Luke. I feared he’d never stop, though!
Yes, of course, every child is different and a Mother has an intuitive feel for her own child. I do feel, with Jash, it could have gone on much longer had my milk lasted. To be honest, with Jash, his allergies keep me going in hopes that my milk might magically cure the allergies. I didn’t have a set age for quitting either and just sort went with the flow of things. Though, admittedly, Jash will still ask here and there if upset or hurt but doesn’t fret if I say no. Thanks again for sharing and having this conversation. There is no wrong way to be a Mom if done with love.
Thanks for the nice post. It’s nice to see people talking openly about extended nursing! My twins weaned easily around 2, and I was totally ready (and I wanted to be pregnant again and didn’t cycle while nursing them). My daughter weaned earlier than I was ready for, and I was heartsick (especially since she is my last), but I was happy that the weaning process was so easy on all of my kids.
Darling pictures of Luke!
Thank you! 🙂 Luke is likely my last (I guess I can never say never, but right now we don’t plan on actively trying for another) and I think that made the weaning even harder.
Thanks for sharing your story! My son will be 3 in April and I feel like if he had his way, he would never stop nursing! I am trying to be open and flexible about it because it’s just so HARD to say “no” to something that is so meaningful to him…and healthy. He is dependent on nursing to sleep, as well as for comfort. If he’s upset about something and then nurses, when he’s all done he will say something like, “I’m not sad anymore,” or, “I feel better.” I love that we still share this relationship, but it would be nice if daddy could put him to bed every once in a while! 🙂
Aww that’s sweet that it is so comforting for him. It can really be draining on us moms though, right? It’s hard to be the only one who can provide that. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your breastfeeding journey. 🙂
I’m in a similar situation my oldest is turning 3 in March definitely not ready to self wean but mommy is!!! I have been prepping her with her 3rd birthday being the end, bc she is a big girl! The problem is I have 7 month old twin girls so I can’t tell her milk is gone. It should be interesting, there will definitely be tons of tears:( I thoroughly enjoy reading your story and any feedback you may have!
Oh, that’s really hard! I would probably stick with the big girl idea and maybe give her something special as a
“nursing graduate” gift or something along those lines. Good luck!!
My oldest nursing is 3 years 5 months. (Yeah I had to count geez! Lol) I’m also nurisng our 7 month old so saying my milk went away doesn’t work either. We took away most nursing sessions while I was pregnant. She nurses once in the momorning but would nurse all day if allowed. We’ve already been talking about when annas four she doesn’t nurse anymore. 7 more months seems daunting to me. But hopefully she will wean before then. If not her 4th birthday will be it! Thankfully she does alalready put herself to sleep.
Good for you for keeping up tandem nursing! I can’t imagine how draining that must be. Your kids are very lucky to have you for their mom. Good luck when the time comes to wean. 🙂